Dropping the Bomb: I Didn’t Know There Was a Problem!
There’s an old cliché that the husband is always the last to know. This goes hand in hand with the similar cliché that men are clueless when it comes to relationship issues. As many Colorado divorce and family law attorneys can tell you, there’s something of a grain of truth behind these clichés, especially when it comes to divorce.
For many men out there, the news that the wife wants a divorce is like a 50-kiloton nuclear bomb going off over their head, when there were no air raid sirens to warn of the impending disaster. For these men, there were no signs, no symptoms of problems that they noticed. The announcement of divorce intentions is the first sign of trouble.
These men are often ruined when the bomb drops. They are ashamed at what’s happened, at their failure to notice, at their change in status. They become withdrawn, sullen, depressed, and lose their entire support system in addition to the loss of their spouse and the sudden need to battle for custody of their children.
For many men, the result is that they tend to lose themselves in the battle. They turn their pain into hatred, which results in a long, bitter and difficult divorce battle which can be a burden upon their ex-spouse, their children, themselves, and even their family law attorney. Worse, such anger is almost never helpful to the man’s cause.
It is much better, in these cases, to redefine your sense of self and your idea of masculinity, to reconnect with your own emotions, and to reach out to those who can help you instead of becoming sullen and isolated. Shifting the focus to yourself can even, ironically, sometimes have a reconciling effect on the marriage.